Meandering Soul

This day is done, I'm going home.
eFranes Penguin Avatar

April 2024

May 2024

On the one hand, April came and went without much ado. On the other hand, a lot happened. The thing about 2024 is, I set out with the word “change” as – if you will – overarching hashtag. Why change? Because I spent too long in a rut of the ever same things. Not that that was or is bad in and of itself. I was however dissatisfied with my progress. I didn’t accomplish much of anything. Yes, I did make music there for a while but out of those 60 some tracks, there’s maybe five I really love and keep coming back to. Which is a devastating yield as the whole idea was to make music I can and want to listen to. And yes, I did teach myself how to use Blender and produced some results in the form of videos for said music I’m rather proud of. And yes, I am a decent programmer. But like, there’s gotta be more. There’s so many ideas in my head and I can never quite grab them, hold them long enough to make them stick. To what, then, is the question.

That was the change for this month.

I started note taking again. Well. No. That’s not quite it. I started note taking. I used to write a lot on paper but I never carried pen and a notebook with me pretty much wherever I went. I still am not quite there. The state of pocket notebooks so far is not one that satisfies me. Luckily, I have never shied away from DIY’ing myself what I want. So maybe that’ll solve itself. Maybe, I will also find something existing that magically ticks all my boxes. I’m not gonna go deeper here because as with all the other thoughts, these also are still very nascent.

But note taking helps. Even though, to be frank, most of my notes currently are more of a stream of consciousness that might also be a diary. That’s okay though. My head has a place with infinite room now to help it sort through stuff. Maybe, hopefully, in a few weeks, that will lead me back to my former, calmer, more productive self.

So, what did I do in April?

Reading. I have been getting into the routine of reading a few pages during breakfast each morning. Which usually means breakfast on weekday mornings, but hey, I get through about 5-10 pages, depending on the book, so that’s progress. Finished the best book about all the different values of friendship I’ve read in a long while (Gabrielle Zevin - Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow), started a collection of short stories by Stefan Zweig and Tony Fadell’s Build. Both entertaining and insightful in completely different ways.

Listening. Music, of course, but that wasn’t eventful. Can someone make a for the 2020s? That’d be rad. No, listening to podcasts. I spent most of the trailing podcast year with Rachel Bilson and Melinda Clarke in the Welcome to the OC, bitches! podcast. Which was enlightening and beautiful and made me smile a lot and I cannot even begin to grasp all the things I’ve learned from that. If you have enjoyed The OC way back when or more recently on streaming: I do not recommend rewatch podcasts. Because it’s a lot of content. But this one, if you can fathom it, is worth it.

April, however, marked me finally reaching the last OC episode. I have for now unsubscribed from more episodes of that podcast. The backlog of everything else taunts me.

Listening (and talking). To friends. To hearts that want to pour out. Albeit some of those friends will say differently I am not a very social person. Going out into crowds often entails some effort. Recently, I have been trying to incorporate more social time into my life anyway. Because the reward always beats the convincing myself to go. Going out there, eating Tapas, sharing stories, enjoying being right then and there. Those are the moments it’s all about. Those are the moments nothing else matters.

But do?

Yes. I also did things. Nothing that stands out though. So nothing for this recap. April was mostly a self-care month. I am looking forward to things to come.

A note on this: In the past, on this blog, I haven’t been nearly this open. I have in other digital places but for some odd reason never on the one I have full control over. Changing this has been a hard decision for me. Which is also most of the reason why this post is technically two weeks late. Which none of you know since I didn’t announce any timeline yet, but yeah the monthly recaps are supposed to appear at the beginning of the next month.

  • Published on May 15, 2024
  • 799 words